It all came together...

No. Effing. Way.

Today I tried on the side-saddle which a friend-of-a-friend is lending me for the wedding. It was a rehearsal to see:

a) if it fit Donna,

b) to show us how to put it on Donna,

c) if I could get in it, and

d) if I could get out of it.

Ok. Can I just say for the record that I take my hat off to any lady who has ever had to actually ride in one of these things. My god - I haven't felt that useless on a horse in years! It's all you can do to stay balanced up there! And all I did was walk an extremely quiet and forgiving old mare in a circle. With someone leading me! It was like learning to sit on a horse all over again from scratch!

How the hell ladies used to jump and go fox-hunting in these things: I'll never know.

Getting on is... not graceful. I have to climb up onto a 44-gallon drum (yes: In my wedding dress), and back myself into the saddle, then arrange my legs. Getting off is MUCH easier.

Getting off intentionally could be slightly harder. Especially as this is the bit i have to do infront of people.

I have to unhook my legs, and sqirm round until I'm sitting sideways, and then slowly slide down onto a step.

In a wedding dress.

No effing way.

It's gonna be pretty funny. I'm just lucky Donna is so forgiving and such a quiet old thing. This will be her last big 'hurrah' before full retirement (she's about 40!).

Can I just say though: I SO want to go hunting!!! I dont wanna actually hunt a fox or anything, but belting along the open countryside jumping anythig that comes up sounds SO awesome!!! You cant do that here in Australia so much (despite a growing and unwanted fox population), cause everyone has these tiny little paddocks you're not allowed to rind on and they're all using barbed-wire fences. Plus NO ONE would insure you.

WHEN Ben and I eventually go to England, I have told him I will go hunting. I will find a way. Even if I have to do it TopGear style...

Requiem for an ex pill-popper.

OWCH.

4 weeks after coming off the pill and my body is behaving like a heroin-starved junkie. I knew there would be a period of adjustment, but I had no idea it would be like this! So far, here is a list of lovely experiences I've had associated with coming off the pill:

* HUGE leg cramps (kinda like sciatica, where you get 'stuck')
* Bloating. BLOAT-ING. Like "Honey, did you swallow a watermelon?"
* Pimples. I look and feel like a hormonal 15 year old again. Big puss-y welts on my face.
* Put on 1kg in 4 DAYS! (Aren't you meant to LOSE WEIGHT??? Wasn't that the whole point to doing this???)

Maybe it wasn't such a great idea to come off the pill a month before my wedding. God, I hope I don't look/feel this crap on the day. It'll be like; "here comes the bri - ARGH!!!! It's HIDEOUS!"

Is it too late to elope?

I've been soooo good too, and that's what makes this ten times more tragic. I've been dairy free,I haven't had any junk food for a week now, I've been walking at least 1/2 hour everyday (usually more), I've been sticking to my Quickloss shakes with no carbs for dinner and 2 teeny snacks... and what do I get?

Another frikkin kilo, a distended painful gut, and a face like a pizza. (Not that I'm allowed to eat pizza)

Humph.

Wedding Weirdies

"Honey, for our wedding favours, I wanted something that really, you know, represented "US". So I was thinking a dead armadillo with some alcohol... "

From page 5 of Martha Stewarts DIY Wedding book: Crochet your own cake toppers!

"We-all done dropped yer cake on the way in, but don't worry! We jes a-fixed it with some bananas so it'd look right purdy."

Til death..?

Nothing says love like skeletons making out on top of your wedding cake.

...the bride wore white and was a picture of virginal purity...

Wedding theme #2754 DENIM.

Just a regular Pretzelly Saturday.

I am such a hopeless slave to consumer-driven society. Today whilst watching a tv show (okay: It was a kids cartoon. Shut up.) they showed the characters going to a fair-ground and eating those big large soft pretzels.

Instantly, I was on the net looking for recipes. The only place you can get those big pretzels that I've found is a mere 3 hour drive from my house in Coastal/rural Australia. I LOVE the cinnamon sugar one sooo much. And the vanilla almond ones. And...

So anyway. I am now waiting impatiently for my yeast to rise so I can cook them. I even went out to buy yeast and baking powder, so dedicated was I to my baking idea.

I should go for a walk or run, but I have a terrible head cold... (excuses, excuses), so am drinking coffee and eating 3 tim tams instead. *sigh*. One week til the City to Surf.

Today whilst buying my yeast, I ran into another rubenesque goddess who I haven't seen for a while. She also recently got married, so I confessed my fears about going to buy "The Dress". It was so good to talk to someone who gets it. She had the same problems apparently, and told me she once walked into a local lingerie shop, only to be looked up and down by the sales clerk and told "We have nothing in your size".

!!!

The girl is maybe a size 22! And thank goodness she is no push-over, so she gave this woman the biggest serving she's probably ever had. YAY! - Go girl!

She ended up trying on dress after dress and leaving stores in tears, which is exactly what I envision happening to me. Her advice - go to the bigger stores in the city where they have more range, or get something made for you. And definitly DON'T settle for second best. Ever.

Don't you love her?

btw - she looked absolutely STUNNING on her wedding day, in a dress inspired by the Queen of Hearts! It was white and red, and definitely made the most of her 'assets'. VIVA Michelle!

Ok - I'm having a fully fledged fat-girl FREAK-OUT!!!

Am REALLY freaking out about trying on wedding dresses. I have been avoiding it. The thing is, it's the dress. The one that's meant to make you feel spectacular. And I know I'm too fat to be a bride. I am. I'm gonna look horrible and I'm gonna hate that I do, and then i'm gonna regret it for ever. Can I swap bodies for the day?

I dont want to go dress shopping and have what normally happens happen. It looks dreamy on the rack, and then I put it on and I bulge out of it like a ham with those strings around it. Or worse still - I cant even get it on at all. And it'll be like "oh well for your size, we have THESE dresses..." yuk.

Am having a MAJOR fat-girl freak-out here. i dont wanna get married. I dont want to be a fat bride. But if I post-pone it to diet - what if I never get thin? (Hey - I've had no success so far). Then what?

What if I look fat in every wedding photo? The photos that I will never show my kids, because I'm so embarrassed. What if my only memory of my wedding day, is how frumpy I felt? And - what if my bridesmaids show me up? Which is very likely considering the exotic beauties I have as friends... Ok, I want my friends to look and feel stunning on the day too, but god damn it -

It's MY DAY!!!

Just for one goddamn day - just one - I wanna be the most gorgeous woman in the room. JUST ONCE.

Oh god... I'm freaking out. badly. Help.

help. I dont wanna get married. I mean, I love Ben and I wanna be with him for ever...

...But I just dont wanna be a fat bride.

help.

Oh god NO.

Yay! guess wot! Have lost 2.5 Kilos!!!! :) Been diligently watching what I eat, and if I stuff up, I try to do a bit more exercise that day. Still doing the Biggest Loser Club - I find that using the online diary keeps me honest! Gosh - haven't been this weight for... ages! Feels good.

Booked our wedding reception! The place is called 'Waterslea' and it's run by the Anglican youthworks. It's right on the Shoalhaven River and it has 2 big reception rooms. They do the catering out there, and the view is absolutely BEAUTIFUL - even if it rains!

The big date will be 25th January 2008 (The day before the Australia Day public holiday! Woohoo: Day off!) Stay tuned...

Game on.

Ok. So, three weeks of torture (running) and I haven't lost a thing. I've wavered around 92/91kg. But I haven't been eating the best - I'll admit.

So my GF Coralie and I went to Wollongong to have our hair cuts yesterday, and we made a plan - Connie's wedding is in 12 weeks (ARGH! CONNIE!).

We are gonna lose 10 kilos in 12 weeks.

We are gonnna do some form of exercise everyday and we are gonna stick to the weight watchers eating plan. We are gonna check in with each other every Wednesday night, and compare food diaries. That way; we are accountable to each other at least.

So: Who's with us?

Lies.

Ok. For the record - I dont believe in endorphins. I think the concept of endorphins is just some big scam conspiracy, especially when related to exercise.

I personally have never felt any sort of 'high' from exercising. In fact each time I try to run for 2 minutes on my treadmill, I can quite honestly say without a hint of hyperbole, that it is the worst and most painful 2 minutes of my life. (No I haven't had children yet - for all you post-natural-childbirth mums shaking their heads knowingly at me).


I HATE running. Why anyone would do it for fun is beyond me. If I wasn't chanting "wedding dress, wedding dress, wedding dress" with every forced stride, I wouldn't do it. I feel like my lungs are on fire, I sweat like no one I've ever seen before, I feel dizzy, and I feel like my legs are filled with wet sand.

I HATE IT.

I believe the only "rush" anyone gets from exercise is not "an exhilararing rush of endorphins", but a sheer rush of relief at having stopped exercising.

Red and yellow and pink and green...

There are too many colour combinations. I dont think I'll go with Cherry Blossoms now... as it'll be Autumn here in Oz, not Spring, so we'd have to use fake flowers or have them imported. bugger.

Dress: I just want a nice non-frou-frou, non puffy, non-sleevless dress: Is that so hard???

Maybe something vintage? These are a few I found so far that I like...

And DEFINITELY these boots or jiffys!

FANTASTIC site - Gorgeous weddings at Junebug. Take a look.

Check out EXTREME PETE!

This is the coolest dog I've ever seen!

Hmm... so what else is new? Um I have been diligently walk/running on my treadmill most days, if i dont do that, I walk my dogs, do the NYC ballet workout, or go to pump class.

Have still only lost 1 kg, but I remember this happening last time I went on a health kick, So I'm not really worried. I'll just keep doing it because it's good for me! :)

Have been trying to eat well... but... yesterday Ben brought Maccas home for lunch, and i ate it - of course (ZERO willpower), but then I ran on the treadmill. It was HARD yesterday for some reason. I still did 30 minutes of walking with s lots of 2 minute runs, bt they nearly killed me yesterday! then we had a healthy dinner: And I ate half a packet of chips. Not a small packet either. Dammit. Trouble is, Ben loves his junk food and I dont wanna deprive him, but I just have NO willpower round any of that stuff. I'm like an alcoholic in a bar.

Any suggestions anyone?

Maybe if I find a low fat alternative I can whip out if he's eating stuff like that, so i dont feel like I'm being left out...?

So today I'm detoxing. I've had fruit for breakfast, fruit and vegetable juices all day, and green/herbal tea. I've made sushi for dinner, and I bought a punnet of strawberries for dessert.

I've walked to dogs this morning, and I plan to do the NYC workout this afternoon. So I'm doin' ok. Nothing to show for it, but it feels good to be doing good things for my body.

So I've been researching wedding colour schemes, and at first I wanted either pink/chocolate brown, or turquoise/chocolate brown...

So I asked Ben what colours he liked, and of course he said: Red and Gold.
Eek.

Okay... So I did some web-surfing and I think I may have found a compromise...

A cherry blossom theme - Mostly pale pink, brown and white, but with red and gold accents.

This would be good because I have a fascination with all things Japanese, and Ben does too. I LOVE cherry blossoms, and I hate the thought of a big frou-frou bouquet, but would not be opposed to carrying a sprig of cherry blossom. We're thinking April wedding (2009), which is also the right time of year.

I was watching Memoirs of a Geisha the other day end even though I LOVED the book, but was disappointed with the film, there are a few scenes where you can see the colours I mean...

Here's a cherry blossom themed wedding, but I think I'd want it paler, and softer pink than this.

More like this...
What do you think?

Can I hire these guys?

The best wedding present a girl could get!



Treadmills Not Included
At this wedding party, the bride's brothers, father and brother-in-law performed a step-by-step rendition of the dance performed by OK Go in their video, "A Million Ways."

Priceless.

Ok, upon closer inspection of this link, I've decided Ben and I are DEFINITELY choreographing our wedding 'waltz'. These are AWESOME. Check them out.

This takes the cake...

Browsin with my gal pals Connie and Max and found this disturbing piece of wedding memorabilia.

Chidi Ogbuta of Allen, Texas, had a wedding cake made to look exactly like herself.

More Godawful Brides? Click here.

Scary.

Must lose some flab!

Borrowed this from channel4.com... Don't ya love it? LOL Must hit the treadmill...

I just always imagined that my "big fat" wedding would be more like this one

Than this one

*sigh*

Omigod!

Eeek! Ben just proposed!!! (I said yes - of course!)





...ohmigosh... it's such a shock...whoa... this ring feels so weird on this finger... and-

Wedding Dress.

Oh. My. God.

Okay. Time to start losing some flab.

Marry me?

Last night I had a List-epiphany. My boyf R and I have recently had a penchant for Allen's Snakes Alive, and I jokingly tied a yellow one round his ring finger and proposed. (JOKINGLY - don't get excited!) And it got me thinking about the Simpson's episode where Homer proposes to Marge with a fried onion ring.

What do you do when the urge to propose hits and you don't have a ring? Here's my list of recommendations...

1) A yellow Allen's jelly snake. (Nothing says "I love you" like snakes!)
2) Blu-tack
3) a pretzel
4) a daisy (just tie the stalk around your loved one's finger)
5) a texta (just draw it on! HINT: permanent marker = real commitment!)
6) the blue plastic ring from around the 2L milk bottle lid (Save the Bower Birds!)
7) a garbage bag tie
8) a keyring
9) a ring-pull from a drink can
10) sticky tape

Anyone proposed using any of these? Or anything else?